Month: April 2013

Volume 1 Episode 4

So it has been a couple of weeks since I last wrote.  A couple of factors contributed to that.  I spent some time getting the site up and running.  It’s functional, but really a work in progress, kinda like this blog.  I also had a vacation from my job, and really decided to spin down, and not tax my brain too much.  I know what you’re saying…this is taxing??  J

I left a question pending in Episode 3 that I was really mulling over very hard.  I feel the need to speak (write) to that now.  I really wasn’t in a bad place when I wrote E3, I was just confused.  I learned through this process of self-examination that the answer to most of my frustrations and lack of fulfillment is, well, ME.  Nothing really new there, but again, knowing something and accepting it are distinctly different.  I was owning it.  What I was wrestling with is the flip side of that coin; if I am the solution, then most likely I am the problem too.  Accepting that was a bitch.  (Sorry, if the language offends you, but I’m writing this how I feel it.  It may get worse before it gets better.  My prose is not always elegant…) It was difficult, and at least when I wrote E3, I wasn’t really comfortable sharing that.  The next day however, I decided that the key was to focus on the positives.  I am the solution here.  This blog is a major player in that.  It is a creative outlet, and it has really brightened my mood, and changed my outlook.  Hurray me, right??  (Sorry, the sarcasm is strong in me.  I’ll need to find a way to indicate that in the writing too.)

I certainly hope that I can get to a place where I do some different types of writing.  I mentioned that above, maybe a column type thing, maybe some creative writing.  We’ll see where this goes.  For now, just putting words to paper; on whatever comes to mind is going to have to be enough.  I do need to commit, at least to myself, to some amount of posts at some interval.  Once a week would seem to be the minimum, but maybe shorter, more frequent is better?  I’ll find the stride.

So, an odd thing happened on the way to this blog post.  Sometimes when you go looking for answers, you actually find some, and sometimes you just find more questions.  I was all set to write something about hockey, and why it means so much to me, in light of the fact that Sunday (as I write this) was the 85^th birthday of Mr. Hockey, Gordie Howe.  I was rolling the ideas around in my head before committing them to paper (or virtual paper, I’ll stop with the asides at some point, I hope.)  I’m not yet ready to take you through the answer/question/riddle I’ve discovered.  I’ll get there eventually.  This entire thing is a bit new to me, and I’m not yet ready for it to be “out there”.  The answer/question/riddle isn’t anything really new.  I’ve known it for a long time.  I’m finding there is a great difference in knowing something, and accepting it, or owning it, whatever term you want.  It’s odd.  I’m beginning to think the solution here is to write it out.  Maybe I will, and you won’t see if in the original draft.  Right now, I think I need to ponder this a bit further.  I’m accepting it, and will commit it to paper very soon.

Here’s another interesting thing, to me anyway.  I shared the first two “posts” to friends of mine.  Both of them are writers.  I received nothing but positive and encouraging feedback.  Well, to be honest, I was on cloud nine.  It may have been cloud 9000 for as good as I was feeling about me.  Then, the revelation question/riddle above came to be, and now, it’s like I’m paying for all of the good I was feeling earlier.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m still on cloud nine, just not 9000 anymore.  The act of writing is tremendously helpful.  Thank you to those who have been supportive and encouraging.  I couldn’t do this without their help!

Volume 1 Episode 2

OK, a little bit about me.  I’m a 40 something staring down another birthday.  I work for a large multi-national corporation, with all of the baggage and finery that comes with doing so.  I make a good living, and have had wonderful things written about me by the people that I have worked for  for the last several years.  Even in jobs I haven’t liked, I’ve done a good job.  By all independent accounts, I’m successful.  Yet unfulfilled.  That’s why I’m here, I guess.  I’m looking for an outlet that will interest and excite me, because the daily war that I fight for the large multi-national isn’t doing it for me anymore.  (I need an acronym for the large multi thing…maybe LMNC??)

I recently decided that I needed to make changes in my life.  I retained the services of a career coach (yeah, I know, I’m not trying to show off, it sounds pretentious).  I worked with this person a few years ago when the last LMNC I worked for decided it no longer needed my services.  Her job then was to help me in the career transition.  I kept her contact information, and have retained her now.  I explained that working for the LMNC was unfulfilling, and needed to change.  We were working towards finding a transition to a nonprofit.  I was looking for meaning to my work.  Maybe it’s out there.  I’ve recently been giving this considerable thought, and I’ve decided that I LIKE all the trappings of working for a LMNC; I like the income, the benefits, etc.  I’m really not willing to give a lot of that up.  So it means I have to make peace with the LMNC, and again, it’s why I’m here, writing this.

As mentioned above I’ve always loved newspapers, Writers.  I’m also a music geek.  A dear friend calls me a music historian.  Maybe.  I just love music.  I’ve been a rocker for a long time.   Wordsmiths who can put their thoughts and feelings to beats and melodies are dear to me.  I’m not a musician, so maybe this is my hit record.  (I know this isn’t a hit.  You get the idea…)

Volume 1 Episode 1

I can hear you now.  “…Good Grief!  Another blog?!?”

Yep.  Another one.  This one mine.  Welcome to my world.

Why another blog? Really I don’t have a great answer for you, other than this is an exercise for me, not necessarily for you.  I hope that this connects with you (individually and the collective you) but, I’m not writing this with you in mind.  Yet.

I have been looking for something for quite a while.  I didn’t know what it was I was looking for, and this idea was presented to me.  It resonated.  Immediately.  So here goes.  This is my way of being creative, of serving that part of me that is not being served in corporate america.  Maybe this is the answer.  Maybe this leads to the answer.  Maybe the answer is just looking for the answer.  You’ll know when I know.

Since I made the decision to do this earlier this week, and told some folks that I was doing this, I’ve been asked ever time “What are you going to write about?”  My answer is “Yes.”  I’m not trying to be flippant, or dismissive, I’m really trying to be open.  I’m not going to write a music blog, a cigar blog, a hockey blog, a politics blog or a tiddlywinks blog.  All of those are likely topics for me.  OK, not the tiddlywinks, but you get the idea.  All of those things resonate with me.  I have things to say about all of them.  And other things.

I have had a bunch of thoughts on the format/style/substance of this.  I’ve bounced between them in my head, as I was “mentally composing this” The pseudo conversational style resonates in me.   Most folks have an internal monologue. I have an internal conversation.  Another idea was to turn this into my personal “column”.  I’ve long loved newspapers, and have enjoyed the words of those who have that title.  This is my opportunity to “be one”.  I’m not claiming I’ve earned it, or that I have the talent to be one either.  But cyberspace offers me this, so maybe I take advantage of it.